I tried and I tried, but I couldn’t get out of writing this letter. Bernie wanted nothing to do with that idea. Many different approaches were employed: procrastination, being a jerk, being really nice, gifts (such as nice stripper heels), forgetfulness, laziness, etc. All failed, which is strange, since men aren’t like that in daily life, you think she would have taken a hint from such odd behavior. So here I am, writing this letter. Unfortunately for you I am going to employ my final tactic of rambling for 15 minutes and signing the bottom. By 15 minutes I mean typing time, not reading time. If it takes you 15 minutes to read this please consider purchasing yourself “Your Baby Can Read”.
First a bit of sad news. After a long battle with pulmonary fibrosis my step father passed away in September. It was quite a sad time for all of us, and in fact still is. It will be a strange holiday season without him there to bitch and moan about all the decorations and hoopla. As a final practical joke he passed away just a few days after my wife received a flu shot (one that she reacted to and ended up in the ER) that she got just because of his condition. He always enjoyed making her life difficult.
Bernie got herself more involved in the Mom’s group this year, managing to get elected President (suck it Palin, we can see Canada from our house!). Now she has even more people to order around. It really is a dream come true. We were quite fortunate this year taking two child-free getaways. We went to Vegas in the spring for 4 days. Although there weren’t nearly enough strippers for my taste, we had a nice relaxing time and drank our share of rum (or at least I did). We were also extremely fortunate to go on a chartered fishing trip to the west coast of BC in the summer. It was the single best week we ever spent together. Perhaps my 8 salmon to her meager 7 had something to do with that. Other than that, we’re still married, still tolerate each other, Bernie talks, I pretend to listen and agree to things I’m not paying attention to, get in trouble for not following through and that’s the way we like it.
The kids have been up to their standard shenanigans. Reilly played soccer in the spring, and I guess she just hung out the rest of the year because I don’t recall attending any other events for her. Oh, she recently got her braces taken off, so I guess that’s something. Reilly recently turned 14 and has taught me many things about teenage girls that I never wanted to know. Someone wake me up when she’s 20. But in all seriousness, she’s a good kid. I just want to kill her from time to time. On the positive side she started babysitting regularly this year and has been pulling in some dough. Although she doesn’t appreciate the taxes and finder’s fees we decided to implement. I informed her even after that she is making a year’s salary in some countries. For some reason that did not placate her.
Nathan was voted child most likely to be strangled by Bernie this year. He is highly proficient at making a massive mess in record time. You can follow a trail of crumbs, clothes, and dirt to determine his morning routine. We breed talent at our house. He tried baseball for the first time this summer. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to play again. I can’t say I blame him, those kids don’t have a lot of control and some of them can throw pretty hard. Nathan must have earned some award for player most hit-by-pitch. I always knew he was good at getting in the way. However, he got back into his groove when football started. He played on the same team as last year and they went undefeated and won the championship. He’s currently playing basketball and really likes it (because practice is so easy compared to football – yeah he’s lazy). Both kids are in school (8th and 5th grade), they have homework which often turns into dad-work….didn’t I finish school years ago? I just want to watch TV and pretend nobody else is here, I can’t remember how to solve for X.
That leaves little Nick. He has been a wonderful addition to our house (that makes him sound like curtains or something, if only he was that easy). Of course he’s still at a cute age. Give it a couple years and I’m sure he will be jockeying for Nathan’s title. I will say having older kids I have an appreciation for him…and a plan of action. I figure if I ignore him from an early age he’ll just think of me as some old guy who is around in the evenings (and not the guy who is useful for things). He is a pretty good little kid though. He’s definitely a momma’s boy right now, not surprising since he spends most of the day with mom. He also loves the babysitter…..err….I mean…uhh….watching Toy Story and Cars. We got him Buzz and Woody toys recently and he literally takes them everywhere with him. He does normal two-year old stuff: eat, do something cute, run, poop, do something cute, cry, do something cute, write on the wall.
Random other things accomplished this year: purchased a trampoline, the kids went to week-long summer camp (I cannot recommend this enough to parents everywhere…if only they had a wife camp too), various (expensive) things around the house breaking, Bernie’s parents moved to Arizona (the party after they left was amazing),
Well it finally happened, I breached the one page limit I usually set for myself on this letter. For that I apologize. But just like my Christmas wish (strippers), I guess disappointment is part of life. So there you have it, the 2010 accomplishments of the Leritz family. Please don’t despair if your life doesn’t measure up. We are, after all, amazing.
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