Apparently this letter has become somewhat infamous. If that’s true, I want to know just one thing: where are my groupies? Do you realize the pressure I now face in writing this? I sure picked a bad year to quit sniffing glue.
Being the super awesome All-American family that we are it’s going to be difficult keeping this letter under 3 pages while squeezing in all of our accomplishments.
Reilly and Nathan both went to week-long summer camp this year. It was the most awesome thing ever (I have no idea if they liked it or not and I don’t care, they’re going again next year). Both kids played soccer in the spring, Reilly played again in the fall while Nathan played tackle football for the first time. At one point during the season he informed me he was the back up to the 3rd string QB. Not to brag, but I attribute that purely to genetics. Neither of them played any musical instruments this year. However, we just attended the Holiday Program for Nathan’s school. When the band played I’m pretty sure I heard a cat being murdered.
Reilly turned 13 and started middle school this year (7th grade). Holy shit. We had a coed birthday party for her, it was loud and at one point one of the boys was wearing a bra. Send your boy to our house, we’ll have him cross dressing in no time! Of course being her age she has her own cell phone. Curious about her texting habits we took a look at the monthly account summary. In one month her send-receive tally was over 7,500. Let me say that another way: seven thousand five hundred….in one month. God bless unlimited texting plans.
Nathan is still incapable of cleaning his room and I’m not sure he knows what a bar of soap looks like. He is great with Nick though, so we let him stick around rent free. He is 10 now and in the 4th grade this year and recently joined the Math Olympiad so at some point he’ll be going to math competitions.
Little Nick turned 1 this year and for some reason hasn’t started school yet. However, of the 3 kids, he actually accomplished the most. There may be hope yet. He went from a drooling, pooping, good-for-¬nothing meat sack to a walking, pooping, get-into-everything meat sack. He also cost us a ton of money in medical bills (ear infections and tubes). Maybe I should rethink my criteria for best kid. While he doesn’t say much yet (a good thing in my opinion, who wants to hear kids anyway) his first two-word phrase was “Holy Crap”. He was mimicking me – Father of the Year. According to Kanye he’s the cutest, smartest baby of all time. OF ALL TIME!
Bernadette continues her job as a stay at home mom. She joined a mom’s group, which I’m pretty sure is just a way for them to get together and bitch about husbands while ignoring their little ones. It’s also a great way for the babies to pass around whatever nasty disease they have that week. As a family (minus Nathan) we took a trip to Oklahoma this summer for a friend’s 30th birthday, good times were had. I know what you’re thinking: wow they are so lucky to travel to exotic places. That’s how we roll. Nathan went to Montana to stay with my dad and had an absolute blast. We also made separate road trips to Wyoming (in July) and Montana (in October) to attend services for my grandmothers who passed away. Needless to say, road trip + kids + baby + wife = putting an attorney on retainer.
Reading back through this I realize we didn’t accomplish a damn thing this year. Oh well, maybe next time.
The Leritz Family
No comments:
Post a Comment